Mijos,
It’s been a challenging last year. We moved across the country to Texas to our “vacation home” (even though we moved with intentions to stay), jokingly conjuring up that we travel more luxuriously than the Kardashians, as we traveled with our whole home…
We moved because like Robert Frost’s The Road Not Taken, we were faced with two realities that we struggled through. We sold our home after I was laid off from a role from another company with another boss more focused on the bottom line and wanting to sell to the giant, AUS. We were rolling in the green – we made more money in that short time than we ever have – and I wasn’t able to find a job quick enough to ensure that we were not spending that money. So, we held onto that money, and we moved to Texas with the first job offer working for my former boss, whom I adore as a brother, despite our broken; but linked history.
I wanted Texas to work so bad. We needed a new start, and no one would hire us fast enough – it is tough to get a role at the director and above level, with fierce competition. We took the role, and moved on faith after fasting and prayer pointed us in that direction.
Traveling to Texas was rough. We had each other, we also had two motion-sick cats and all of our belongings either in an airplane or heading down to Texas on a truck. It was a long day, and arriving in Texas felt like such a shock – the humidity and heat immediately hit us, and it was hard to feel excited for something that felt like our world had been flipped upside down. It was so hard to be positive, when I felt like we were so far away from home. It pains me to remember that moment, home-sick for all of you, going this direction.
Texas wasn’t all that bad – in fact, it was lined with people who adorned themselves in Jesus – it was the most comforting feeling there; that there were so many believers there that held higher standards for themselves and other, and were so welcoming and warm to us – even if we didn’t get a whole lot of chance to connect in our short time.
It wasn’t too long after that we arrived, that I started having serious health issues. This PNW boy’s body was in complete shock, both literally and figuratively. I worked long days in the heat and sun, and drank water like a fish. Texas was absolutely gorgeous along the coast. But, I was drawn fiercely between fearing for your safety from everything under the sun, to the actual sun – I mean, Texas has lots of spiders, crocodiles, snakes and other venomous creatures – not to mention hurricanes, floods and those nasty cockroaches. Yet, it still felt adventurous and exciting – but as a father, I was so worried for all of you, and I knew that there was no way that I’d be able to protect all of you from everything, all the time. And that ate at my soul the entire time.
I made proactive purchases like the most avid prepper – from 3 weeks of non-perishable food, water and medical supplies – I felt like I was definitely a part of that prepper crowd. My security friends would be so proud. lol.
But the mixed feelings overcame me all the time; especially with my schedule, traveling over 50 miles each way every day, and not being able to be there for you all in this transition – you all stayed home and in the air conditioning while the heat index breached 115+…
I honestly can’t say if my health was solely a result of my long covid, or if I had seriously injured myself through heat exposure, but my heart rate was in the sky, my blood pressure was in the gutter, I passed out at the wheel of my car for a brief second (thank you Tesla Autopilot for saving my life), and was admitted to the hospital for 3 days for heart issues… And the worst part of it all is that I couldn’t be with any of you as I went through all of this by myself – only to come home to you when I could.
Having a conversation with your mother, we made the difficult decision to take a step back and say that none of the money mattered. It didn’t matter that we would likely set ourselves back several years from owning our own home again – because at the rate that we were going, it didn’t look good for me. The heat was seriously threatening my health, and my life.
Your Mom and I made the difficult decision to let it all go, in the interest of preserving our lives together. God gives, and He takes away.
As Mom and I try to reflect on what we were meant to learn on this “trip” to Texas, we are often emptyhanded with our own proclaimed explanations, but I can at least say that I’ve learned to surrender. To surrender everything and every corner of my life, and to put my faith in God, and His plan for our, and your lives together.
Today, that money is mostly gone. Between unemployment and moving expenses both to and from Texas, money came, and money went. But I am so grateful to still have my life – and to be here with all of you. I don’t deserve this life or all the great things that God has done for us, but through the mystery of it all, I call upon His name for our and your lives for the rest of our lives…
I truly see that God came to Rescue us – to show us that He commands the earth and our destinies. And all that is what really matters. Though fear surrounded me in Texas, He never failed us. Never. Not. Once.
Coming back to Washington wasn’t without its challenges and lessons – we also walked through several other lessons when we returned. Continuing to learn that trust in the continuing decline of our bank account would be met with His promise in exchange for our faith.
I found a job several months after we returned from Texas, only to lose that role within a couple of months after being challenged to define myself as one who does the right thing, regardless of the outcome. I chose integrity, and we were unemployed once again, and I can’t tell you how agonizing it was to be so close, and yet so far again from securing employment.
It would be months later that I found work again working for a Credit Union, where I found the greatest answer to four separate prayers – health, employment, giving, and a community of believers in my work. Do I know what my future looks like? Absolutely not. Do I know what God has planned for me? Sort of – only because it is a song in my heart that has been more fruitful than any other investment I’ve ever made – helping people.
I have just come out of this storm, and am taking rest in His great works. I am weary, tired, and honestly wondering if there is another foot drop I should be preparing for – but I dare to dream again, knowing that He will provide – no matter what that looks like. I’d really like that not to be homeless or broke as I’ve felt on many occasions over the last year, but I know that my God loves me for who I am; for who all of you are, and will become.
“IN JESUS NAME, I PRAY FOR REVIVAL”
Lord Jesus, I pray for your continued healing over my life – thank you so much for leading me to circumstances that have helped my fear to flee my life. Thank you so much for health, for healing, and miracles over my life. Thank you for keeping my family safe in these last uncertain times – for being and declaring your authority over my life. Lord, I surrender to you every part of my life that I unmistakably continue to hold on to – Lord, create in me a new heart of my youth, and continue to guide me and prompt me to share your love with others. I am so grateful for your love, even though I don’t deserve it. I pray for Your protection over my family – please prepare a way for me through the hardest parts, and the greatest parts of my life ahead. Thank you for entrusting me to be the husband of a beautiful woman of God, and four beautiful children who are so unshakably Yours. Please help me to be a better husband and father; to walk out onto the water with faith and to lead them to You, and You alone. Thank you for rescuing me and my family; Your sovereign mighty hand is my guide. Thank you Abba, Father. Amen.